Selective Memories
by Mychand
Summary: Hawke suffers selective amnesia after a freak accident at the cabin. The fact that he's forgotten Caitlin causes a lot of friction between the two of them.
1. Chapter 1

This story...well, it's "just because" I love having conflict and angst between Cait and Hawke!

Chapter **1**

It was beautiful, sunny California day and Caitlin, along with Dom had come in early to take care of a few odds and ends so that they could quit work early and join Hawke at the cabin. They were celebrating Dom's birthday and Hawke made them promise not to come until later that afternoon.

"What's he up to?" Dom asked Caitlin, giving her a slightly suspicious look.

Caitlin laughed. "Don't worry, you said you wanted it to just be the three of us so Hawke kept his promise," she replied.

"Oh, I'm not worried," Dom replied with a grin. "He knows what I'll do to him if he lies to me."

"Dom, he didn't lie," she replied exuberantly. "Now, let it go."

"Okay, okay," he replied. "Are you almost done? I really want to get out of here soon. The last thing I want to do on my birthday this year is work all day."

Caitlin stood up and placed several tools on the bench. "Give me a minute to wash up and I'll be ready to go," she told him.

Within the hour the two friends were headed towards Hawke's cabin in Santini's helicopter.

"I always love flying up here," Caitlin admitted. "There's something so peaceful about it all. I get why Hawke loves it so much."

"Yeah, it's been good for him too," replied Dom. "I think that…."

"Dom look!" Caitlin interrupted him.

"What the hell?" asked Dom as he landed his helicopter on the dock.

The two quickly jumped out and ran towards their friend who was lying at the bottom of the cabin steps unconscious. His dog was by his side, licking at his face.

"Hawke!" Caitlin screamed as they reached him.

Dom checked for a pulse and then reached towards the back of his head.

"He's got a pretty nasty bump," he told her. "I think we need to get him medical attention."

Caitlin helped Dom load Hawke into the helicopter and they quickly made their way to the Firm's clinic.

Once there, they were greeted immediately by Archangel who instructed his people to put Hawke on a gurney and take him to the back room to be examined.

Afterwards he turned his attention to Dom and Cait. "What happened?" he asked.

"We don't know," replied Dom.

"It looks like he somehow fell off of his front porch," Caitlin interjected. "We weren't there when he was injured. We just found him that way."

Dom sighed. "I hope he's okay," he said sadly. "Some birthday this has turned out to be."

Caitlin put her arms around Dom and gave him a tight hug. "He's going to be fine," she assured him. "You know Hawke has a hard head."

Dom tried to smile at her. "Yeah, I know," he replied.

"I'll go and see what the doctors are saying," Michael told them. "You two have a seat. I'll get back to you as soon as I find out what's going on."

Three hours went by before Michael emerged from the back room. Caitlin stood up immediately and met him halfway. "What's going on Michael?" she asked nervously. "It's been hours and no one has told us anything. Is he still unconscious?"

Dom got up and quickly joined them. "I don't like that look on your face," he told Michael. "What's going on?"

Michael sighed. "Hawke is awake," he told them. "He suffered a pretty bad concussion. Apparently there is some sort of memory loss as a result. They've been doing a battery of tests to find some answers. That's why I had them wait to give you any information."

"Well, what the hell did your tests find out?" Dom replied sarcastically.

"He seems to have what the doctors are calling selective amnesia," Michael replied. "Sometimes people who suffer this tend to block out painful memories in their lives. In talking to him for awhile, he remembers me and Airwolf but has no recollection of Gabrielle. He's asking for you Dom."

"Okay, take me to him," Dom insisted.

"There's one more thing," he replied. "His personality seems different."

Dom stared at him. "What do you mean different?" he asked.

Michael sighed. "Well, we all know Hawke has a slight dark side to him but it always balances out by his beliefs and integrity. He's angry. All I see in his eyes is anger and some kind of resentment. I can't figure it out but something is really off."

"Hmph," replied Dom. "I'll see for myself," he told him.

"What about me?" asked Caitlin after listening intently to their conversation.

"I'm sorry Caitlin," replied Michael. "He doesn't remember you or anything about going to Texas to look for his friend who was murdered."

"Oh," Caitlin replied sadly.

"Don't worry sweetheart," Dom said trying to comfort her. "He'll come around. I'm sure of it."

Dom quickly followed Michael to the back room where Hawke had been placed in a bed. He was sitting up and attempting to get dressed.

"Great, you're finally here," he told Dom. "Help me get dressed and out of here."

"Take it easy String," Dom insisted. "They need to make sure you're okay first."

"I'm just fine damn it," he replied, agitated. "I'm tired of being poked and prodded. They said I hit my head. I just have a little headache that's all. There's nothing that a hot shower and my bed at the cabin can't fix."

Dom looked at Michael. "Can I take him home?" he asked.

"Go ahead," he replied. "I'll have the doctor give you any instructions you might need in case he has any kind of relapse."

"I'm fine Michael," Hawke scowled. "I just want to go home."

Dom followed Hawke out of the room and down the hall past Caitlin who was talking with Marella. To her dismay, he nodded at Marella but went right past Caitlin as though she were a total stranger.

Marella couldn't help but to watch Caitlin's face as the men left the building.

"Give it time," she told her. "It'll be okay."

"I don't get it," replied Caitlin. "Michael said he was suppressing painful memories. I can understand why he'd forget Gabrielle and even the loss of his friend in Texas. But…why me? Why can't he remember me?"

"Caitlin!" Dom yelled as he came back in towards them. "Are you coming?"


	2. Chapter 2

_Please keep in mind that Hawke is not quite himself so his actions are not really characteristic in the state he's in. Once again...all written for a bit of angst between the characters._

 **Chapter 2**

Caitlin ran after Dom who had turned and headed back out. When she caught up to him, she saw that Hawke was already in the helicopter waiting.

"Who is this?" he asked. "Dom, I don't need you to bring me home a nurse."

"She's not," he told him. "She works with us at Santini Air. I'm not about to leave her here just because you can't remember her now."

"Since when does she work at Santini Air?" asked Hawke.

"Since three years ago," Caitlin bluntly replied as she climbed into the back of the helicopter.

As Dom lifted the helicopter into the air, Hawke's curiosity about Caitlin grew.

"What exactly do you do at Santini Air?" he asked, giving her an unsure look.

"Everything," she replied.

"Everything?" he replied. "Like what?"

Caitlin shrugged. "Everything you do," she replied again.

Hawke shot Dom a strange look.

"She's telling you the truth," Dom assured him. "She does everything you do. She's a damn good pilot and we're lucky to have her."

"Thanks, Dom," Caitlin smiled at her friend.

When they reached the cabin, the three climbed out of the helicopter and headed towards the cabin. "I thought you were taking her home?" asked Hawke.

"She's staying the weekend here with us," Dom told him. "Not sure if you remember but it's my birthday and I had wanted to spend it up here with the two of you. Of course, your accident wasn't what I had in mind."

Caitlin noticed immediately that Hawke seemed agitated at the fact she was staying.

"Look Dom," she said, motioning to Hawke. "Why don't I just head on home and come and pick you guys up on Monday.

"That's a great idea," Hawk replied trying to get Caitlin to leave.

"Look String," Dom scolded. "I know you have some memory loss but I'm not going to let you run Caitlin off. I want her here and she's staying."

Caitlin wasn't sure how to handle Hawke's newfound hostility towards her. He didn't remember her so his actions were baffling.

"I'm going fishing on the lake," Hawke huffed. He picked up his fishing rod and slammed the door as he left.

"Well, that went over well," Caitlin said. "I understand he doesn't remember me but why is he acting like he hates me?

"Oh honey," Dom said as he put his arms around her. "He'll come around and before you know it he'll have his memory back. Just give it some time."

"I sure hope you're right," She replied.

Caitlin sat on the couch and watched as Dom rummaged through the kitchen.  
"Are you sure he's going to be alright out there by himself?" she asked.

Dom sighed. "I'll go and check on him in a minute if it'll make you feel better," he told her. "Besides, I see you and Hawke were going to make my favorite dish for my birthday and you missed a few key ingredients. I'm going to make a quick grocery run."

Caitlin sighed. "Oh Dom, I'm so sorry," she replied. "We really wanted this to be a great birthday for you. Now, with Hawke's accident and dinner, well, looks like it's all ruined."

"Nah," replied Dom with smile. "I appreciate the thought. I hate seeing String hurt but at least we're all here together and that's all I can ask for really."

Caitlin stood up and gave Dom a tight hug. "Happy Birthday," she said softly.

"Alright," Dom said as they parted. "Let me get going so I can do this dinner right. Are you going to be okay here keeping an eye on String?"

Caitlin sighed. "Yeah, I'll be fine," she replied.

Dom headed out and a few minutes later Caitlin heard the sound of the helicopter fade slowly away.

She got up and began looking through the things that she and Hawke had bought for Dom's special dinner.

"Damn, I thought we had gotten it right," she sighed.

"Gotten what right?" String replied, startling her.

Caitlin turned and watched him put the fishing pole down by the fireplace.

"The ingredients for Dom's dinner," she replied softly. "We were making him a special birthday dinner. Well, at least you were and I was supposed to keep him occupied."

Hawke gave her a stern look. "So you've really been working with us for three years?" he asked. "Why?"

Caitlin was caught off guard by his question. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, Dom is a grumpy old man I sure as hell know I'm not easy to get along with," he told her. "Why do you stay around?"

Caitlin moved back into the living room and sat in a chair by the fireplace before responding.

"We're all friends," she said matter of fact like. "I love working at Santini Air."

Caitlin studied Hawke's face. The look he gave her seemed so stern and his cold eyes gave her chills.

"No, there's more to it," he scowled. "You want something."

"Hawke, what are you talking about?" she asked. "I get that you've lost your memory but I know you and I've never seen you treat a stranger this way without reason."

Hawke moved and stood in front of her. "I don't trust you," he told her. "I get the feeling I didn't trust you before."

"Why?" she asked, her anger now growing.

"Three years and you and I are just friends?" he said sarcastically. "I really find that hard to believe."

Caitlin stared up at him, unsure of what to say next.

"Have you worked with us on things outside of Santini Air?" he finally asked.

"Yes," she replied as she stood up and moved over to the window. "I know about Airwolf."

"I don't trust you," he told her again. "Something doesn't feel right. Why don't I remember you?"

"I don't know," Caitlin told him, nearly screaming this time.

"Maybe this is what you want," Hawke said as he grabbed her and pulled her down to the couch. She tried to get back up but he held her down and kissed her.

Caitlin tried to get out of his grasp but he proved too strong for her.

"String, what the hell are you doing?" Dom yelled as he pulled Hawke up and off of the couch.

Caitlin jumped up and ran outside to the front porch of the cabin, slamming the door on her way.

"Look at me String," Dom demanded. "What the hell were you doing? Answer me?"

"Come on Dom," he finally replied. "You know I wasn't going to hurt her. You know me better than that. I just wanted to scare her into telling me the truth."

Dom shook his head. "The truth about what?" he asked.

"Why she's here," he replied. "I don't trust her."

"Well you sure as hell better trust her," Dom scowled. "That girl has saved your butt on more than one occasion and she'd do it again in a heartbeat. She doesn't deserve to be treated that way and I had better not see you put your hands on her ever again."

Hawke sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands. "I'm sorry," he replied. "I just can't remember any of that. I can't help feeling like she's hiding something."

Dom sat down on the couch beside him and put his hand on Hawke's arm. "She's a good kid," he told him. "She's become like family. I think we'd both be lost now without her. If you could remember, you'd know that."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Dom slowly opened the front door of the cabin and walking out on to the porch, shutting it behind him. Caitlin was sitting on the steps and it was obvious to him that she had been crying.

"Are you okay kid?" he asked as he sat down beside her.

Caitlin reached up and wiped the tears from her face. "Not really," she replied. "Why would he do that?"

Dom put his arm around her shoulders. "I guess we should've taken you home. He thinks you're hiding something," he said softly.

"What, that I'm actually in love with him," she replied bluntly.

Dom turned and looked at her face. "I guess admitting it to your self is the first step," he said with a slight chuckle.

"Oh come on Dom, it's not funny," she retorted. "I can't even believe I said that out loud."

"Do you really think I didn't know?" he asked her.

Caitlin sighed. "It's that obvious huh?"

"Well, not really," Dom replied. "But somewhere in his subconscious, String must have some idea or he wouldn't have tried what he did. He was just trying to scare you."

"I didn't like it one bit," she replied softly. "It worked. I don't want to go back inside Dom. I think I'm going to go and sit out by the lake for awhile. I don't want to ruin your dinner. I'll stay out here while you eat but I think afterwards I should go."

"Sure honey, I'll take you home now if you'd like," Dom replied.

"No," Caitlin insisted. "You have your dinner first. I'll be fine. I can wait. Your birthday has already been ruined so far as it is. You should at least get to enjoy some of it."

"Okay, I'll cook dinner first," Dom replied. It'll give me some time to figure out what String does remember and what he's forgotten. I'm not a doctor but maybe I can figure out why he's blocked you from his memories."

"I guess it can't hurt to try," she replied sadly. "I'll be back in a little while."

Dom watched Caitlin walk down to the lake before he stood up and went back inside the cabin.

"Where is she?" asked Hawke as Dom came inside.

"She's going to hang out by the lake awhile," Dom told him. "She insisted we have dinner before I take her home."

"Isn't getting a bit cold out there?" asked Hawke. "That's why I came in from fishing so soon. She wasn't even wearing a jacket."

Dom smiled. "Now you sound more like the String I know," he replied. "I'll take her one in a few minutes."

Hawke followed Dom into the kitchen. "Sorry if I ruined your birthday," he told him. "Can I at least help cook?"

"You can sit right down there and answer some questions for me about what you remember," Dom replied. "Maybe together we can figure out why you can't seem to remember Caitlin."

"What did the doctor's say about my memory loss?" asked Hawke. "They were a bit hush hush with me which is why I wanted out of their so badly."

Dom shrugged his shoulders. "Not too much," he replied. "Michael said you were repressing painful memories. At least that's what he was able to come up with based on things you told him."

"Like what?" Hawke asked.

"Are you sure you want to know?" Dom asked. "The doctors told me to proceed with caution if I shared anything with you."

"Come on Dom," he replied. "Maybe it'll help jog my memory."

Dom started filling in Hawke about his time with Gabrielle while he was cooking. Hawke listened intently and was surprised at what he'd been told.

"Do you remember any of it?" asked Dom.

Hawke sighed. "Nothing at all," he replied. "But I'm not sure I really want to. That's awful."

"I know," told him. "I wish I could take back every painful thing you've been through but in the end, it's made you stronger."

Hawke began to set the table as Dom finished up dinner. "So, is there something painful about Caitlin that I've forgotten?" he asked.

Dom asked if Hawke remembered anything about Horn or Sawyer. While his memory of Horn as vague, he didn't recall the situation with Sawyer at all.

"I'm not a rocket scientist here," Dom joked. "But I think that the fact you can't recall these two events speaks volumes. Caitlin dealt with some painful situations both times. I think it bothered you more than I realized."

"Tell me about them," Hawke demanded. "I really need to know."

Dom gave Hawke a quick version of the incidents with Horn and Sawyer including how Caitlin saved both of them and then how they were able to help save her. Once he was done, Hawke sat quiet trying to take it all in.

"Are you okay?" asked Dom. "Do you remember any of it?"

Hawke sighed. "No, I really wish I did. But now I really do feel like an ass for what I just did to her."

"Well, why don't you go and apologize and see if you can get her to come in and eat with us?" Dom asked.

Hawke sighed and then actually smiled. "I guess I can do that," he replied.

As he opened the cabin door, both men heard a loud scream and then the splash of something hitting the lake.

Hawke sprinted out the door with Dom in tow.

"Caitlin!" Dom screamed as he realized she was what hit the water.

Hawke dived in and frantically began searching the area they thought they saw movement.

It seemed like an eternity to Dom before Hawke quickly surfaced with Caitlin in his arms.

Dom helped a shivering Hawke carry her out of the water and lay her down on the bank.

"I don't think she's breathing," Hawke nearly yelled before kneeling down and giving her mouth to mouth resuscitation.

He felt like he was about to pass out when he finally felt her warm breath on his cheek. She was still unconscious but he could tell that she was finally able to breathe on her own.

"Let's…..get….her….inside," Hawke said, nearly out of breath and still shivering.

Dom helped Hawke carry her inside the cabin. He moved the couch closer to the fireplace as Hawke laid her down.

"You go and change so you can warm yourself up," Dom demanded. "I'll take care of her.

Hawke sprinted upstairs and quickly removed his wet clothes and put on a dry pair of jeans.

"We're going to need to get those wet clothes off of her," he told Dom as he handed him a blanket. "If we don't, she could suffer hyperthermia."

The two men used the blanket to cover her as they removed her cold, wet clothes and laid them by the fire to dry.

"She's got a pretty bad gash on her head," Dom told him. "I wonder what the hell happened."

"I think her foot got stuck," Hawke replied as he inspected her ankles. "I saw her shoe on the bank. Her ankle is starting to swell up some. She must have twisted it and lost her balance."

Hawke watched as Dom tucked the blanket around Caitlin to help keep her warmer.

"She really is important to you," he said softly.

"She's like my own daughter," Dom replied with a sigh.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Caitlin awoke to so many sensations that she couldn't quite comprehend what was going on. Her face was warm but her head and ankle throbbed. She felt a cool sensation on her ankle and then warm hands on her feet.

She slowly opened her eyes and realized she was lying on the couch by the fireplace. Hawke was sitting at the other end wrapping an ice pack around her ankle.

"Hawke?" she whispered in a hoarse voice. "What happened?"

"You fell in the lake," he replied softly. "Everything is going to be okay though."

"Oh," she replied, her eyes feeling heavy. "I'm so tired."

Hawke watched as she blinked a few times and then fell back asleep. Then, he placed a cool compress on her forehead.

As he did so, a strange feeling overcame him. "Why is it that I want so bad to push you away yet I suddenly want to protect you at the same time?" he asked himself out loud.

"You just defined your whole relationship?" Dom's presence startled Hawke. "How is she doing?"

Dom watched as Hawke's eyes suddenly filled with pain.

"I thought you were asleep," Hawke said, trying hard to hide his sudden emotion.

"Are you okay?" Dom asked.

"No," Hawke replied slightly shaking. "What is wrong with me Dom?"

Dom sighed and grabbed Hawke by the arm. "Come on, let's go outside," he insisted.

"Okay," Hawke replied softly as he followed him out. "I know she didn't deserve the way I treated her. It's my fault she was out there and got hurt."

"Well, yeah, you were an ass," Dom replied. "But I think in time, she'll understand."

The two sat quiet for several minutes before Hawke spoke up again. "I really don't get why she stays around," Hawke admitted. "Could you tell me more about her?"

Dom smiled. "Sure, what all do you want to know?"

"Everything," he replied. "Everything you know about her and the times we've shared together."

Dom and Hawke spent the next few hours out on the porch talking. Dom explained in more detail as to how Caitlin came into their lives and the missions, along with many dinners that they shared.

Finally, Hawke shook his head. "I'm exhausted," he said. "I'm going to move her upstairs and then get some sleep. I don't want her rolling off the couch or getting hurt by the fire if she wakes up in a daze."

Dom smiled. "Sure kid," he replied. "Do what you think is best."

Hawke stared at Dom for a moment and then shook his head. "Let's go in," he insisted. "I don't know how much more I can handle in one day. I'm about to pass out myself."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The next morning, Caitlin awoke to a soft snoring sound beside her and the smell of bacon wafting in the air.

She quickly realized that she was in Hawke's bed totally naked but covered in blankets. He was asleep beside her and to her relief was on top of the covers, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.

"Hawke?" she whispered.

He turned over and stared at her for a moment before speaking. "How's your head?" he asked, his concern taking her by surprise.

"Throbbing," she admitted. "My ankle hurts too."

Hawke jumped up from the bed and went into the bathroom. He poured her a glass of water from a pitcher that sat on the nightstand and handed her a couple of aspirins.

"This should help some," he told her.

Caitlin took the pills and quickly swallowed them with the help of the water.

"What happened to my clothes?" she asked afterwards.

"You fell in the lake," he replied. "Your clothes were cold and wet so we had to get them off of you. Don't worry we covered you with a blanket so we didn't see anything."

Caitlin felt a rush of relief come over her. She tried hard not to blush as he was telling her what had happened.

"I have a bag around here somewhere with other clothes," she told him. "I had planned to stay the weekend before everything happened."

"Okay, I'll find it for you," he replied with softly.

"Thanks," she replied cautiously, unsure of this new change in him.

Caitlin watched as Hawke hurried down and out of the loft. She rolled to her side and unable to keep her eyes open, she closed them again and drifted back off to sleep.

When she woke up again, she saw that her clothes were laid out on one side of the bed and there was tray of food up against the other side. Her mind drifted to the many times she'd actually dreamed of waking up naked in Hawke's bed. "It wasn't anything like this though," she whispered to herself. "What am I going to do now?"

Hearing her move about upstairs, Dom called up to her. "Caitlin, do you need any help up there?" he asked.

"I'm fine Dom," she replied. "Just give me a minute to get dressed.

"Sure," he replied. "If you want I'll go and call String in and he can move you downstairs."

Caitlin slowly sat up and managed to get her clothes on quite quickly. She felt better once dressed and enjoyed the breakfast that was left for her. Afterwards, her energy restored, she decided to try and make it downstairs on her own.

As she was attempting to descend the stairs with her one good foot, she heard Hawke come back inside of the cabin.

She had almost made it to the bottom when she slipped. She tried to stop herself but she couldn't. Seeing her slip, Hawke quickly ran up to her and caught her in his arms.

Caitlin bit her lip as he carried her over to the couch and sat her down. "That wasn't the smartest thing to do," he scolded her. "You could have broken your neck."

Caitlin frowned. "You're right," she replied softly, embarrassed to even look up at him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Hawke sighed. "I'm going back out. If you need me, call," he said softly.

Caitlin looked up and watched as he walked out and shut the door behind him.

"Well, he's a little more cordial today," she determined. "Did I miss something last night?"

Dom sat down beside her on the couch. "He may not remember you," he told her. "But, you seem to be getting to him. He asked me to tell him all about you last night."

"All?" she asked quizzically.

Dom laughed. "All," he replied. "The good and the bad."

Caitlin puffed her lips like a small child. "Is there really that much bad to tell?" she asked, before his funny look at her made her grin.

"Nah," he replied. "We all have our quirks. I was just being honest with him in hopes that something would jar his memory."

"Did it?" she asked hopefully. "Did he remember anything at all?"

"No, but he sort of understands why you are so important to us both," Dom assured her.

Caitlin smiled. "Thanks, Dom," she replied. "You're important to me too. Oh, that reminds me. Your birthday present is in that drawer over there. I was planning to give it to you last night but then everything kind of fell apart."

Dom got up and retrieved the wrapped package from the drawer. He quickly opened it and smiled. It was a gift certificate to his favorite restaurant and a picture of him with Caitlin and Hawke.

"I love it," he told her before giving her a tight hug. "I've wanted a picture of the three of us for my coffee table. Hey, and you can't go wrong with free food."

"Glad you feel that way," she mused. "Part two of your birthday weekend is tonight. Dinner is being flown in from another one of your favorite places."

Dom smiled. "Oh yeah? Where?"

"It's a secret," he told him. "But Michael is helping us out on this one. Hawke had assured him that he owed you that much. He and Marella are going to join us though. I hope that's okay. I know you wanted to keep it low key."

Dom leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "Its fine," he assured her. "Right now I think the best gift would be for String to get his memories back. Besides, having them here might make the evening go a little smoother."

Caitlin sighed and looked over at the window. "What's he doing out there?" she asked.

Dom got up and walked to the window. "He's smoothing out that area of the lake bank that you tripped and fell on. My guess is it's to keep himself busy. It's really getting to him that he can't remember parts of his life."

"I guess I can understand that," she replied sadly. "But if he is suffering selective amnesia, why do you think he forgot me? I get Gabrielle because I know his death was painful. What's so painful about me?"

Dom sighed. "Hawke and I talked about that last night," he replied. "I think it has to do with what happened at Horn's compound and with Sawyer."

"Well, I can understand Horn since Hawke thought he killed you," she replied. "He was pretty torn up. But what does that have to do with me? And, Sawyer had nothing to do with him either."

Dom smiled. "Honey, I know sometimes you have a hard time seeing it but String, before his memory loss cared about you a lot," he told her. "We both know you have had several nightmares about that Horne."

"Damn it," she replied. "Marella told you?"

Dom shook his head. "She was just worried about you," he replied. "And, as for Sawyer, that whole thing scared the hell out of both of us. We thought we were going to lose you."

"I thought I was going to lose me too," she replied.

Dom smiled and gave her a hug. "He's afraid of losing you Caitlin," he told her. "Even when he had his memory, he couldn't admit it to himself. I think that's why he's so conflicted now."

Caitlin sighed deeply. "Well, what can we do about it?"

Dom patted her on the leg. "I wish I knew," he replied. "Just give it time."

"I'll try," she replied softly. "But we both know patience isn't always my strong point."

Later that afternoon, they were surprised to find that Hawke had remembered the dinner arrangement with Michael and Marella. Dom seemed to enjoy his last birthday surprise and Hawke seemed to relax a bit with having Marella and Michael as a buffer between him and Caitlin.

After dinner, the men went outside and sat on the porch while Caitlin and Marella sat on the couch and drank a glass of wine in front of a small fire.

"How are you feeling?" Marella asked Caitlin. "You look a little tired."

"I guess Hawke's amnesia and then my accident has taken its toll on me," she replied. "It's a good thing I'm heading home tonight with you guys."

"I know it isn't much of a consolation but I really do think it will all come back to him in time," Marella assured her. "Just be patient."

A little while later Michael came back in, followed by the others. "Are you two ladies ready to head out?" he asked them.

Hawke looked at Caitlin and then at Michael and Dom. "Oh, everyone is leaving now?" he asked.

"We had planned to take Caitlin and Dom home when we left," Marella told him.

"Oh," replied Hawke before gesturing to Dom. "Can I talk to you outside for a minute."

"Sure, sure," replied Dom as he followed Hawke out on the porch.

"What's wrong?" he asked once they were outside.

"Can't you both stay?" he asked. "I don't think she should be traveling anywhere yet."

Dom smiled. "I have an early meeting with the studio tomorrow," he replied. "But, if you promise to play nice, you might be able to get Caitlin to stay."

"Very funny," Hawke smirked. "I doubt she'll want to after the way I've treated her. I just think having her around might help me to remember."

Dom smiled as he stared at Hawke.

"What the hell is so funny?" he asked.

"You'll understand in time," replied Dom. "Come on, let's go and see if we can get her to stay."

Hawke followed Dom back inside and joined the others in front of the fireplace.


	6. Chapter 6

_Looks like one more chapter might wrap this one up. Thanks to those following and commenting._

 **Chapter 6**

Caitlin surprised herself when she agreed to stay another night up at the cabin. What sealed it for her was when Dom mentioned it was Hawke's idea. She sat and stared at the fire while waiting for him to return after seeing everyone else off. As she heard him climb the steps of the cabin, she couldn't help but to be a little nervous.

"Are you doing okay?" he asked as he came in and headed to the kitchen. "Do you want some more wine? I'm about to get some."

Caitlin smiled. "Sure, that sounds great," she replied.

He retrieved her glass and she watched as he poured more into it before filling his own. He handed it to her and sat down beside her on the couch.

"I'm glad you decided to stay," he admitted. "I really wanted to talk to you."

Caitlin laid her head back on the couch and sighed. "I have to admit," she replied. "I was a bit surprised that you wanted me to."

"I know," he replied. "I hope you can forgive me for what happened last night…..for what I did. I'm not going to make excuses. It was wrong."

Caitlin turned and stared at him. She could see the remorse in his eyes. That's the one thing that she always felt was his weakness at times. Hawke's eyes always gave him away. Her heart ached when his eyes grew cold. She saw that when he first looked at her after his accident. Now, she was seeing something different.

"It's okay," she finally responded. "I mean, it hurt for many reasons but I can forgive you for it."

Hawke sighed and took a sip of his wine. "Dom did his best to fill me in on all the times we've shared together," he told her. "I wish I could remember it all."

"Maybe forgetting some things is for the best," she replied. "There sure are some things I wish I could forget."

Hawke shifted and turned sideways on the couch so that he was now facing her. "Do you regret being in our lives?" he asked.

Caitlin smiled at him. "That's just it Hawke," she replied. "I don't regret one thing. I feel like my life began when I came to Santini Air. Since working with you and Dom….and Airwolf, I've been able to make a difference. I've experience more excitement in three years than I did in all the years before that. I feel like I've lived more and I don't regret that. I can't regret that."

Hawke watched her eyes sparkle as she talked. When she was done he just smiled at her.

"Now, I get why you've stayed," he admitted. "It makes a lot of sense. Why didn't tell me that before?"

"Why did you think I stayed?" Caitlin answered him with a question of her own.

Hawke sighed. "To be honest, I thought maybe it had something to do with taking Airwolf, or maybe with me."

"With you?" She asked, trying not to allow her feelings to betray her.

"Yeah," he replied softly. "I mean, you're beautiful. It's hard to understand how we could just be friends."

Caitlin couldn't help but laugh. "Hawke, you've kept me at a distance for three years," she replied. "I guess I let you define our relationship."

Hawke moved closer and brushed her cheek with the tips of his fingers. "Then I guess I was an idiot," he admitted, moving even closer.

He stared into her eyes and he could feel her trembling beside him. "This time I'm going to do this right. Caitlin, can I kiss you?" he asked softly.

Caitlin hesitated a moment, trying to pull herself together but the look in his eyes dragged her in. "Okay," she replied in a near whisper.

Hawk moved even closer to her and pulled her to him. To her surprise, his kiss was soft and tender, leaving her to want more.

But, when he pulled away, she couldn't help but blush.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Fine," she lied. "Ugh, I think I need some more wine."

Hawke smiled at her and grabbed the bottle, pouring a little more in her glass.

"I'd like to continue," he whispered afterwards, moving close to her again.

"Hawke," Caitlin said as she pulled away from him. "I think if we continue we'll be playing with fire. I know this isn't what you really want. You just don't know it. You don't remember."

Hawke brushed her hair out of her eyes and stared at her. "No, I don't remember anything but Dom told me so much about you," he replied. "I do know that I'm attracted to you. Why it is that I never acted on it before, I don't know."

Caitlin pulled back from him. "That's just it," she replied. "In three years, you never once gave me the impression you had any interest in me Hawke. There has to be a good reason for that. Your memories will come back, I know it. We're meant to be friends, nothing more."

Hawke sighed, laid his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. "But you want more don't you?" he asked. "Isn't that part of the reason you've stayed?"

Caitlin couldn't stop the tears that fell down her face. Hawke opened his eyes and looked at her before reaching over and brushing them off.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," he told her.

"No, you're right," she finally admitted. "I guess I always hoped there would be more between us. But, I eventually accepted that it would never be."

"Then let tonight happen," he urged. "Be with me."

Caitlin bit her lip. "Damn it Hawke, don't you think I want that? I want it more than anything. But, I'm not willing to take the gamble," she admitted. "I could lose….."

"Me?" he asked. "If I walk away after getting my memory back then you deserve better anyway," he replied. "I wouldn't be worth it."

Caitlin decided to change the subject.

"How about getting me a pillow and blanket?" she asked. "I'm tired and I'd really like to sleep on the couch tonight."

Hawke gave her a weak smile. "Sure," he replied as he got up and went upstairs to get her bedding.

By the time he got back downstairs she had fallen asleep nearly sitting up on the couch.

Hawke smiled at her. "Dom was right," he whispered to himself. "You really do have a lot of integrity. I bet that's what I've loved most about you."


	7. Chapter 7

_As some of my stories do, this one took a slight different direction than originally planned. I had planned a little darker story. We'll see what comes next. :)_

 **Chapter 7**

Caitlin awoke to a strong breeze blowing her hair in her face. She looked up to see the cabin door wide open.

"Hawke?" she called out but got no answer. Slowly she got up and hobbled out to the porch. The wind was picking up and she could see the storm rolling in.

"Hawke!" she yelled out again. There was still no answer.

Suddenly the wind grew fierce and she felt herself being knocked off the porch by a strong gust.

She screamed before hitting the ground and having the breath knocked out of her.

"Caitlin!" Hawke yelled as he ran to her. When he reached her, the rain began to fall, pelting them both with large drops of water and hail.

"Caitlin?" he called out to her before picking her up and carrying her back inside the cabin just as the storm grew stronger. He laid her on the couch before shutting and locking the door behind him.

He was out of breath by the time he reached her side again. To his surprise she was looking up at him.

"Your head is bleeding," he told her as he quickly grabbed a first aid kit from the kitchen and took care of her wound. "You seem to be quite accident prone lately."

"I can't seem to keep dry clothes on either," she joked once he was finished.

"What were you doing outside?" he asked. "You scared the hell out of me."

"Looking for you?" she replied. "I couldn't find you and I got worried."

Hawke smiled at her as he brushed the wet hair out of her eyes. "Oh, I was tying down some stuff out back," he told her. I saw the storm coming and I figured there might be a lot of wind."

Hawke helped her sit up. "How about we go and get you some dry clothes on," he told her.

"I can manage," she assured him. "Just help me stand up."

Hawke helped her stand and then to her surprise, wrapped his arms around her waist from the back.

"Hawke, what are you doing?" she asked.

"You'll see," told her as he grabbed the bottom of her shirt and lifted it up and off of her.

Caitlin shivered. "Hawke, come on now," she said. "I thought we discussed this last night."

"We did," he replied as he pushed her wet jeans down. "But that was last night and this is now."

"What has changed?" she asked while standing there in her underwear.

"Nothing, yet everything," he admitted.

Caitlin pulled away from him. "Let me go up and get my dry clothes," she said. "Stay here, I'll be back down."

Caitlin started up the steps but her ankle slowed her down. Hawke came up from behind, picked her up, and carried her the rest of the way.

Slowly he placed her on the bed and sat down beside her.

"Hawke I….." she started to say but he put his finger on her lips.

"I was afraid of losing you," he said softly. "Hell, I still am."

"What?" she asked confused.

Hawke leaned over, grabbed her arm and pulled her to him before kissing her softly.

Afterwards he smiled at her and handed her a robe.

She stared at him a moment as she put the robe on and tried to stand.

"Whoa there," he said after seeing her waver a bit. "Take it easy."

Caitlin sat back down on the bed and sighed. "It sure has been a rough weekend. Poor Dom's birthday didn't quite turn out as planned."

Hawke climbed over to the other side of the bed and lay down. He gestured for Caitlin to do the same.

"I won't bite, I promise," he told her. "Just lay beside me."

Caitlin swung her legs back up on the bed and lay down. Hawke turned to his side and propped his head up with one arm. He reached over and let his other hand rest on her stomach.

"I thought you said you weren't going to bite?" Caitlin joked.

Hawke laughed. "I take it I'm making you nervous," he said. "You always make jokes when you're nervous. I guess that's one of the things I love about you."

Caitlin shifted to her side and looked at him quizzically. "How do you know that?" she asked. "Did Dom tell you that?"

"No, he didn't have to," Hawke replied softly as he brushed her cheek with his hand and moved closer to her. "When I woke up this morning, I realized that I remembered everything."

"If that's true, then what are you doing?" she whispered.

Hawke shot her a serious look. "Something I should have done a long time ago but was too afraid."

Caitlin pulled away but he reached over and pulled her back to him. "Just hear me out," he said. "Please."

"Fine," she said giving in. She felt her heartbeat getting faster at the feel of his touch. She wanted more than anything for him to be telling her the truth but the events of the previous night gave her doubts.

"The thing that bugged me the most when I couldn't remember you was why we were just friends," he admitted. "When I finally remembered it all, I realized the reasons. Or at least the reasons I told myself."

"What was that?" she asked sadly.

"That you deserved better," he replied. "That if I got involved with you, I'd lose you just like I've lost nearly everyone else in my life. I held you at arm's length because I was afraid of taking that chance."

Caitlin laid her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes. "That's what Dom always told me," she replied "I'm sure that's what he told you as well."

Hawke sighed. "What is it that I need to say to make you believe that I remember everything now?" he asked.

Caitlin propped her head up again and looked at him. Okay," She replied. "Maybe there isn't anything you can say but something you can do."

"What's that?" he asked.

"Well, when we first met," she replied with a slight smile. "Dom had gotten me a job on the set. Show me what I told you that you had better not do."

Hawke smiled at her and then laughed.

"What's so funny" she asked.

"I took that warning pretty seriously you know," he replied.

"Don't remember do you?" she asked sarcastically.

"Promise not to hurt me?" he asked in a near whisper as he moved closer to her.

"Nope," she whispered back.

Hawke leaned in and began kissing her. He pulled her closer and deepened the kiss, exploring as much of her mouth as he could.

To her own surprise, Caitlin relaxed and let herself go. When he finished, he pulled away and smiled at her.

"Thanks for not biting," he told her with a slight chuckle.

Caitlin laughed. "I wouldn't have," she replied. "Even back then I wouldn't have. I was just scared."

"Me too," he whispered.

"Right," she replied sarcastically. "Mr. Confident with women never seems scared to me."

Hawke smiled. "Then my facade works then." He mused.

Caitlin sighed. "Well, now that everything is nearly back to normal," she replied. "I guess I should get dressed now."

Hawke leaned over and untied the belt of her robe before sliding closer to her again.

"Hawke, what are you doing?" she asked surprised.

"What I should have done a long time ago," he replied, pushing the robe off of her. "Tell me to stop and I will."

Caitlin reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him to her. He kissed her again, this time even more passionately than the last. Her pulse quickened as he slowly removed the rest of the robe.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The next morning, Caitlin awoke once again, in Hawke's bed. She smiled as she felt his arms wrapped around her from behind.

"Now this is how I wanted to wake up naked and in your bed," she whispered to herself.

"Yeah, this is how I wanted it too," to her surprise, he whispered back.

She turned and looked up at him with a smile. "Last night was amazing," she replied. "It was definitely worth waiting for."

"I agree," he replied softly. "And it's a night I'll never forget."

(End)


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